Things I Learned From My Son’s Food Allergy

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Food Allergies

Food Allergy? What’s That?

The extent of my food allergy knowledge used to be that my brother couldn’t have strawberries as we were growing up. I’d never really run into any other food allergy situations that would affect my immediate life. This was until my second son was born. There’s nothing like a crash course in food allergies to test your coping skills. 

My youngest child screamed almost nonstop for his first 6 weeks of life. I would get… maybe… 45 minutes of continuous sleep.  Add that to the copious amounts of breastmilk he would vomit immediately (and for the next 30-60 minutes) after eating, the screaming in between bouts of spit-up, the constant poopy diapers, and the baby acne that wasn’t quite as normal as baby acne, it was a rough transition to being a mom of two. 

Finally, at his 6-week appointment, his pediatrician suggested I give up dairy and see if things improved for us. I was determined to breastfeed this time around as I didn’t make it very far with my first son. We were going the breastfeeding distance. So, there were no other options; we were giving up dairy.

Ok. So, no dairy. Whoa. I live in Wisconsin. Dairy is our main food group! OH, man. Well, now what? How do I even go about this? Will I be able to eat ANYTHING? (I might be slightly over dramatic…but seriously! We live in the cheese capital of the USA!) {Click here for a Dairy-Free Survival Guide}

I was fortunate enough to have a cousin who had to do this with her first child. Her girls had similar symptoms to what we had experienced but a little more intense. The first thing I did was send her a message. I knew she understood what I was going through as she’d gone through it with her first little girl and was currently dairy-free with her second. She was able to calm the panic, give me good solid advice, some practical tools to use, and educated me on a couple of things I didn’t know. She also got me connected to a Facebook group with other moms in this situation. 

Food Allergies Made Easier!

I was so lucky to have had someone come alongside me to help me get started in dealing with this potential allergy. Someone who took our situation seriously and didn’t blow us off.  Almost one year later and I find myself constantly grateful for the support we had this past year. Then I thought there are probably people out there who don’t have this same support and are probably feeling the same panic and defeat I felt. 

Some of this will be practical advice for moms and families newly dealing with food allergies or intolerances. But, some of this will be just general good advice for anyone who KNOWS a family or friend dealing with a food allergy in their life. Here are a few things I’ve learned in the last year regarding food allergies and children. 

  • Find a Medical Professional You Trust

This is so important.  In the Facebook groups I mentioned above, there are so many stories of moms who have had their fears, concerns, and questions blown off by their pediatricians.  Find a doctor who will respect your expert knowledge of your baby/child as their mother. A doctor who will talk WITH you, not AT you; who will answer your questions and make a care plan you both are comfortable with.  It will make all the difference.  

  • There’s a Facebook Group For That!

Find a group of people…Facebook groups were the biggest thing for my success. The amount of knowledge in these groups, the encouragement they provide, and the safe place to vent frustrations to people who get it will be a game-changer. They share recipes, funny stories, ingredient changes, new food finds, and more. There’s something about being understood that is just comforting. You’re not alone and there’s a group of people who will understand and support you from afar.

  • Check the Ingredients List… Always

This was an important concept. In our situation with dairy, it was so important to check the ingredients list on everything we bought that I or the baby was going to eat. There’s dairy in everything. Lunch meat, wine and beer, baked goods, fast-food french fries and hash browns, breading/bread crumbs, frozen vegetables, fruit. 

The saying is “Every label, every time!” for a good reason. Some frozen vegetables are put through a milk wash, and so they contain milk. Same thing with the fruit; I’ve had to put oranges back because they were coated in some kind of milk bath. So, every label, every time.

And, that’s not even taking ingredient changes into consideration! Something that was safe last shopping trip, may not be safe on this shopping trip. Going to the grocery store is a long and mentally exhausting day; that’s just with a dairy allergy, I can’t imagine having multiple allergens! Hang in there! Eventually, you’ll settle into a shopping list and you’ll check your regular items quickly. Once you get the hang of reading a label, it gets easier!

  • Look for alternatives, but with caution…

As I mentioned, our situation involves dairy (and eventually eggs and shellfish….), so it was important for me to figure out how to substitute things in my diet that wouldn’t affect the baby. For example, I’ve found out that things labeled as “non-dairy” can still contain milk derivatives, whereas, “dairy-free” is completely without dairy products. And, anything that is listed with “natural flavors” could contain the Top 8 Allergens, and you should contact the manufacturer for information on what is actually in their natural flavoring. 

I, a self-proclaimed omnivore, found myself appreciating and seeking out vegan products. It was so nice to find something vegan and know it’s safe and not have to constantly check the ingredients. Also, vegan things generally taste better and less like the cardboard you’re imagining. I actually had fig bars (the big box from Costco) in my cupboard. I never noticed that they were vegan before this! They’re vegan… AND they’re delicious!

I was surprised, thankful, and excited to find that I already had something vegan in my cupboard! (FYI, Oreos are vegan. And, there’s a ton of dairy and nut-free ice cream options out there now. You’re welcome!)

  • Same old recipes, but with some food allergy-friendly tweaks!

On this same train of thought, look for ways to alter your favorite recipes to accommodate your allergy. One of my favorite substitutions for Cream of Mushroom soup was using Golden Mushroom or Beefy Mushroom soups depending on the recipe (These are dairy-free! Who knew!). Also, I found myself using a lot more olive and coconut oil while cooking and baking. And, I found almond milk was a good alternative for our family to replace cow’s milk in recipes. 

Not all alternatives will be a good substitute due to either the flavor or composition. Vegan cheese just is not the same (after Wisconsin cheese, nothing else will do!). It doesn’t taste very good and it does NOT melt well. I decided that no cheese was better than trying to substitute vegan cheese in a recipe. (The one cheese exception I did find was Follow Your Heart American Slices. When made into a grilled cheese sandwich, it tastes like a ‘fancy’ or ‘gourmet’ American cheese! It’s melty and creamy and delicious! Oh! And, avocados are a good cheese substitute if you’re feeling desperate!) 

  • Be unapologetic!

You will get push back. You will get eye rolls and mumbles under their breath. And, unfortunately, you may have some people try to feed your baby their allergen. Never apologize. Your child’s safety is #1, and anyone who is going to interfere with that is putting your child in danger. Even if “their heart is in the right place” or their actions were due to ignorance of food allergies, your rules and knowledge of your child should be respected. No apologies necessary. Your child, your rules. Every time. 

Food Allergy 101 for Family and Friends

The following are a few housekeeping tips for friends and family of the food-allergy challenged. Some suggestions and reminders that will help your food allergy friends navigate their situation.

  • Be honest about what you’re cooking or baking with.

It might be your opinion that a little won’t hurt or that we’re being overdramatic and making things up for attention. You’re entitled to your opinion. But, you’re not entitled to trick or lie to us about what’s in a recipe. You don’t have to believe or agree with our allergy but you should respect us enough to be honest about what you’re cooking or baking with. 

Let us make our own decision on whether something is safe for us to eat or not. It’s not funny for you to use butter or “just a little cheese” (or another allergen) to see if we’re “really telling the truth.”  We don’t owe you validation of our allergy. Please be respectful and honest. If you know you don’t plan to accommodate or work around our allergy, that’s perfectly ok. A head’s up before we get there would be great so we can bring something from home for us to eat. We don’t mind, and we’d much rather bring our own food than not come at all or not be able to eat and enjoy our time together. 

  • Please don’t roll your eyes or mumble under your breath. 

Yes, we saw you. Yep, we heard that mumble. We don’t like feeling like an inconvenience or an imposition. And, you may not agree with food allergies and think they’re a bunch of made-up nonsense. Again, you’re entitled to your opinion. But, please don’t belittle us and make us feel unwelcome. We’re already nervous and tense enough.

We will try to accommodate ourselves when it’s possible (remember that heads up we talked about before?…). We will definitely bring things we and the kiddos can have that’s safe. Or, give suggestions on how to tweak a recipe if you’re in the mood to try to cook safely for us. 

We’re not trying to be difficult. We don’t like this any more than you do, but it’s our reality. We just want to enjoy the time we spend together as much as you will, but in a way that’s safe for our family. It’ll be better if we’re not made to feel like a leper. The alternative is not having us around.

  • No, we/they can’t have “just a little”. 

Dairy, soy, gluten, egg, corn, legume, etc. These are legitimate allergies, even if you’ve never heard of it. And, yes, a little WILL hurt. 

Would you give someone with a peanut allergy a LITTLE bit of a peanut product? No? Then don’t give a little of our allergen to us. 

Otherwise expect a visit, phone call, or video of the child as they scream and vomit in pain for several days. Or, be prepared to come to the hospital with us and watch while the medical professionals work to resuscitate our child. Then tell me a little won’t hurt. 

So, no. They can’t have just a little. 

  • Don’t feed the wildlife!

Meaning, don’t feed the baby/toddler/child. Even if you feel like you’ve taken precautions and are feeding them something ‘safe,’ just don’t feed the kiddos. Unless specifically asked by Mom (or Dad), to feed them. Mom is likely to see it and freak out. It’s not you. It’s the allergen. 

It’s every memory of hospital and doctor visits. It’s the Epi-Pen she has in her diaper bag (in her purse, and in the car, and stashed in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom at home), or the memory of using one and needing to use the second one because the first one didn’t help. It’s waiting for the ambulance to come and praying they get there soon because the baby is as red as a cherry and not breathing.

It’s the thought that her baby finally has skin that he/she is not trying to peel off with their tiny fingernails because the allergy rash/eczema is itching so bad, and not wanting to go through cracked and bleeding skin all over their little body again. It’s the never-ending poopy diapers that cause a never-ending diaper rash that just gets worse and worse until their little bottoms are bleeding and they’re screaming through every diaper change and bath. 

If you really can’t fight the need to feed the baby, ask Mom or Dad to get you a plate together of safe things. Then feed the baby only that. Baby will be full and happy, and Mom will be thankful and relieved that someone asked first. There’s nothing like the feeling of gratitude when someone gets it and makes this journey easier for us. 

  • Put yourself in our shoes.

Above all, think about how you’d feel if you were in our shoes. Maybe you’d make different choices on how to handle this. That’s okay! If this ever happens to you (and we hope it never does…) then you can make those decisions. But, please love and respect us enough to use some common sense and listen to our do’s and don’ts and follow them. Our relationship will be so much stronger with a little understanding and assistance. We’re just trying to do the best we can for our kiddos. That should be something you can understand and agree with. 

Craving Understanding About Food Allergies

Some of this may come across a little harsh. I apologize to those of you who feel upset or attacked. I truly don’t mean for it to be taken that way. The goal of this is to shed some light on this topic and start a conversation or change a perspective. Why rock the boat this way, you might ask? Because the one negative thing that continues to pop up on those support groups is stories of families and friends that are not supportive. They are the opposite of supportive.

The ones that sneak the baby or mom their allergen. I’ve read posts detailing how families have been torn apart because the allergen wasn’t respected and the baby wasn’t protected. Once trust is broken, an allergy mom isn’t going to let that individual near her kid(s) again. She’ll just stay home. She’ll hover when her kids are around that person. No one in the family will hold or snuggle the baby again. She’ll cut off contact because her rules, as the mother of that child, were not respected. 

She’s a Momma-Bear and she’s in charge of protecting and raising her kids. If someone poses a threat to them, she’ll do what she has to to make sure her kids are able to grow up healthy and happy.

Do allergy-moms a solid one, and be a supportive presence in their lives. The support of spouses, family (immediate and extended), and friends makes all the difference in the life of a family struggling with a food allergy because there is literally danger everywhere. 

 

Do you have a food allergy in your family or know of a friend with one? What are your tips for navigating food allergies?

You may also be interested in this post: What You Need To Know About Food Allergies from Prevea Health.

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