What will you do with an empty nest?

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The robins have returned and are once again building a nest on our back deck. I love that our family gets an up-close view as we await the arrival of those beautiful blue eggs, then the not-so-beautiful newly hatched chicks. A spring tradition, that’s for sure.

It’s impossible to ignore signs of other spring traditions, such as prom. Soon it will be graduation time, which this year is putting a knot in my stomach.

Maybe it’s because our youngest just turned 10. Maybe it’s because her older sister will start high school in the fall. Or maybe it’s those darn robins making me think about empty nest syndrome. (It’s a real thing. Google says so.)

Empty nest syndrome is a period of sadness or depression that sets in after your last baby bird flies the coop. I’ve seen evidence of this on Facebook for years – and with good reason. Every new developmental stage takes its toll on the parents. We moms devote so much of ourselves into turning our snuggly babies into mature, responsible, well-rounded young adults that it feels like they take the best parts of us with them when they go. Personal observation has shown me, though, that the moms – working or not – who have an easier time with the empty nest transition are those who have an identity and sense of self beyond their role in motherhood.

You’re laughing right now. Totally understand. Especially moms of little ones – I see you. I remember what it was like to be buried so deep in baby wipes, spit-up outfits and sippy cups that you can’t see to the end of next week – much less to a day when you’re crying over “Pomp and Circumstance.” We are busier now than ever before, with demands on our time that are unfathomable to previous generations. If you don’t always have time to shower, how are you supposed to find time to maintain your identity?

Some thoughts:

  • Don’t ignore your spouse: Married moms, I firmly believe the best gift you can give your children is a solid relationship to your spouse. Don’t follow the example of my own parents, who divorced as empty-nesters. Make some time – even if it’s just a few minutes a day – to do something nice for your sweetie. Plan a date night or even just hold hands or watch TV together after the children have gone to bed. When the kiddos up and leave the coop, it’s going to be just the two of you again. You don’t want to be living in an empty nest with a complete stranger.
  • Don’t ignore your friends: When my kids were extra little, sometimes weeks or even months would go by without me having a girls’ night with my friends. Many of them are busy moms as well. It can be all-too easy to let these relationships slide in favor of your kids who are in your home (and in your vehicle, your fridge, your purse) around the clock. But the older I get, the more I value my friends for sharing in my current struggles and reminding me of what I was like before we had kids. These connections are critical and life-giving, especially as your kids get older and the stakes get higher. So even if you can’t get away for a yoga retreat or a girls’ weekend to Vegas, make it a point to connect for coffee. Grab lunch or go for a walk after work. If all else fails, an “I’m thinking of you” text is better than nothing.
  • Don’t ignore yourself: Think for a minute about what life will be like when your kids are grown. Where do you want to be? What is your vision for yourself? If you aren’t into vision boards, at least write down two, three or more dreams or goals for your empty-nest self. Then think throughout the day of steps you can take right now (or in the next week or month) to set yourself up to achieve those goals. Maybe you and your spouse want to travel or escape Wisconsin winters for a warmer climate. Do you need to review your monetary goals with your financial adviser or revisit that home business for side income? Maybe you are hoping for an active retirement including games of tennis or rounds of golf. Perhaps it’s time to restart that fitness plan or check in with your family physician? Small steps or changes that you start now will serve to feather your nest in the future – regardless of what your empty nest goals might be.

Do you have big dreams for when your kids are grown and flown? Please share in the comments section!

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