Our family relocated from the Madison area to Berlin, WI in the summer of 2017. Aside from a few of my husband’s childhood friends and his relatives, we knew no one in town. We left my family, our friends, the tribe I found, work colleagues, and our beloved church, for a try at a fresh start. I was becoming a remote employee for my job, and hubby found something new, too.
Once the dust was settled, I wasn’t only missing my frequent wanderings through the aisles of Target, latte in hand, I was missing my friends. Being remote, I don’t have the chance to make new friends at work, and most days the only people I saw outside of my home were the people working at my kids summer care program. I am an ambivert by nature (ambiverts have both introvert and extrovert qualities depending on the situation), so I knew I had to fight my inner introvert and force myself to get out there to meet new mom friends.
Honestly, it took time to find my people… moving to a community where most people have long-established relationships was not easy, and we don’t really drink, so making friends at the bar was not an option.
Making small talk is tough for my introvert side (the girl who really wants to stare at her phone while waiting for her kids to be done with their school function), but most of meeting people involves showing up and smiling. So, I showed up and smiled. We went to almost every school-sponsored event and I made small talk with other parents. I got to know the parents of my kids’ friends. I chatted with my kids’ teachers. I chaperoned field trips, and I smiled (nervously) at other moms who seemed to be looking for a friend.
Guess what? It was TOUGH.
I tried to talk to people who I had spoken with before and they literally stared THROUGH me. I stumbled (mostly metaphorically, but I’m clumsy, sooo….), I was lonely, I wasn’t finding the right fit, and with each awkward conversation, I felt like I would never fit in. It was like starting over at a new school.
I ended up volunteering at school a little and also started volunteering with my daughters’ Girl Scouts troops. Yes, troops – 2 of them. Then I started getting to know other moms. A little bit at a time, the conversations became less awkward, and then, it just kind of happened. I found my people, my crew… my tribe. It took over a year (almost 2), but it was so worth the wait.
I’m still finding people, and with each positive interaction, it feels more like home.
If you are reading this, and you are the new mom in town, keep trying…. keep showing up and smiling. Keep chatting about the weather and how kids lose their gloves like 416 times a winter. Get out in your community and say hello to people with familiar faces. I know it can be tiring and can feel awkward and forced, but it will happen. I found my tribe and you will too.
If you are the mom who has been there for a long time, please say “hello” to the new mom who looks nervous at the school book fair or farmers market or church. She might be one of your new favorite people.
More from Cathie: I’m Raising a VSCO Girl… and I’m OK with it
