“How are your kids so well-behaved?” she asked.
I was talking to her at my nephew’s birthday party. So many thoughts ran through my head. What do I say? I don’t feel as though my kids are always well-behaved. How do I tell this lady how I taught my kids to behave? Do I even know why they are being so good? They surely don’t behave all the time at home… Then my sister-in-law answered for me, “They are consistent. Their no means no.”
Many successes in life are about consistency. If I am trying to lose weight, I can’t eat well only once in awhile. When I am working on learning how to play an instrument, I need to practice everyday. Why would I think raising children is any different?
Many times when I say no to my children I usually have a good reason why, for example, personal safety. “No you can’t cross the road by yourself.” “Don’t play with the outlets!” “You CANNOT punch your brother in the face even if he asks you to!” These are easy ones to be consistent with, but there are other times where I need to set boundaries for my children so they do things for their own good. “You need to finish your chores before you go to play with your friends.” “After you finish your dinner, you can go play.” “Bedtime is at 8:30. That means you are in bed by then.” Some of these are the ones I struggle with.
So why do I struggle at times with being consistent with my children? Because I don’t like being the bad guy, and often I just don’t have the energy to fight another battle with them. However, I have noticed that if I don’t stick with the rules that we have set and the consequences that we have agreed upon, life gets messy. I get ignored by the kids and forced to endure additional complaining and crying. My kids know how to try to get out of doing things they don’t want to do. If I give in during those times I teach my kids that the complaining and crying works.
So how do I stop this? I get consistent again and don’t give in. We post a list of rules and consequences where we all can see them. I put aside my comfort and find the energy to start again, remembering why the rules are in place. Change doesn’t happen immediately but after a while life starts to get smoother. Where in your life can you be more consistent?
